Sitting In A Tree
by fragmentalis
Summary: Melina spots Santino Marella, John Morrison, Kelly Kelly and Mr. Kennedy backstage at an event, prompting her to make fun of all of them...except for one. Implied Kennedy x Melina. One-shot.


**Sitting in a Tree**

**A/N:** Oh...this just wrote itself, really.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Santino, John Morrison, the whore Kelly Kelly, the awesome Mr. Kennedy, or the equally awesome Melina.

**Summary:** Melina spots Santino Marella, John Morrison, Kelly Kelly and Mr. Kennedy backstage at an event, prompting her to make fun of all of them...except for one. Implied Kennedy x Melina. One-shot.

!#&()+

"Oh-em-gee! I use the exact same conditioner! That's why my hair is so awesome, just like yours!"

_Ugh. Will it ever end?_ Melina couldn't help but think this, as an annoyingly ditzy voice floated into the Diva's locker room, coming from the hallway.

Melina groaned again, out loud this time, as a familiar male voice replied to the annoyingly ditzy one.

"I hate to break it to you, babe, but your hair will never be as awesome as mine. I _am_ the Shaman of Sexy, after all," he said.

_Gee, I wonder who the skank is talking to..._ Melina thought sarcastically, hoping that this was the end of their conversation.

"Well, you can-a talk about hair all you want, sumumma gun! What a man-a should really care about is his Italian sausage. Don't want-a any 'erectile malfunctions'," a voice jumped in, a thick Italian accent adding to how annoying he was.

"What the hell are you on about? John Morrison has never had an 'erectile malfunction' in his entire life! When he does the deed, it goes all night," the familiar male voice retorted, sounding offended.

Melina made a sound of disagreement, but noted that none of them could hear her, as she was in her locker room preparing for her match that night. She smirked evilly, deciding to waltz out there and ruin the fun.

"Never had 'erectile malfunction' before, eh?" She said very loudly, upon exiting her locker room.

She was surprised to find eight pairs of eyes on her, instead of six. Not only were Kelly Kelly, John Morrison and Santino Marella standing near the door to the locker room, but a mere foot or two away, Mr. Kennedy also stood, leafing through an issue of WWE Magazine.

Or at least he was, until she had come rushing out of the locker room, shouting about 'erectile malfunctions'. Now, his attention was on her, as was everyone else's. Melina decided not to let this thwart her.

"Johnny, maybe you should say that again when I'm _not_ in earshot. You're not the Shaman of Sexy. You're the Shaman of Crappy Sex. And shut up about your hair, because mine is way better," Melina told her ex-boyfriend, running a hand through her shiny, red locks.

Kelly Kelly shuffled uncomfortably, as Melina's devious eyes landed on her next. The A-List Diva closed in on the former ECW member, and the other three watched closely.

"I'd stay away from John if I were you...I'm going to say this loud enough where even your pubic lice will hear and understand it: do _not_ sleep with him. But, if you decide to be the idiotic nympho I'm sure you are, I just want to warn you that you're in for the most awkward two minutes of your life," Melina said, cracking a proud smile as she heard Mr. Kennedy cackling from beside her.

"Why are you being mean to me?" Kelly implored, obviously distressed.

"Because, you didn't give my friend Jim Bob Billy Goat crabs, you gave him lobsters," Melina replied, turning away from her.

Mr. Kennedy laughed again, this time, at the randomness of what Melina was saying.

Deciding she was done with Kelly, Melina focused her attention on Santino.

"And you can talk all you want about your Italian sausage. Everyone knows it's more like a baby carrot. Sorry, but I'm not exactly a vegetarian..." she giggled at the former Intercontinental Champion, whose mouth now resembled a giant 'O'.

Melina crossed her arms, satisfied that they would all shut up now and allow her to prepare for her match in peace, before turning to head back into the locker room.

"Hey! You didn't insult _him_," John Morrison exclaimed, motioning to Mr. Kennedy. Ken looked equally perplexed, and turned towards Melina, still silent.

"He was using his inside voice," she said with a smirk, not looking at the Wisconsin native.

"Yeah right! I bet you have a crush on him!! Mr. Kennedy and Melina sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Kelly sang, prompting an evil look from the person she was addressing.

"I suggest you shut your mouth before I knock you out of the tree," Melina shot back, before turning on the hallway inhabitants, blushing all the way back to her locker room.

**A/N:** Just a little something I thought of last night. It was, of course, right before I went to bed, so I couldn't really act on it then. But, hopefully, you enjoyed it anyway.


End file.
